One of the reasons why I find Profession Practice the most awkward and frustrating unit is because, to simply put, it is ALL ABOUT MYSELF.
The name says it all, Professional Practice outcome requires one to develop a portfolio that reflects one’s process of learning and growing, both personally and professionally. It involves all sort of things, from self-assessment tests to reflective journal extracts and a 3-year goal.
I mean, I have no problem with documenting or actually making progress in what I consider as beneficial to my personal development. However, the fact that I have to present them in written format is actually what catches me off guard. Reflecting has always been helpful. It is one important task in the process of attaining emotional intelligence, but it also makes me feel like I am forced to tear down my shield and turn off its invisible mode. It’s me driving on a self-esteem roller coaster all over again.
This is not how I am supposed to feel, is it? I mean, it’s supposed to help me prepare for my future career and all. I am learning great things and I am grateful for that every day. I know I’ve changed into a better one than I was yesterday, but how is it that whenever I look the vacancies on the-dots.com, Linkedin or Jobsite or any other online job market, I feel wrong. After days and nights of reading job descriptions of all kind, in various locations from Vietnam to Japan, Singapore or the UK, there was still no ‘Yes, this is exactly what I’ve been looking for’, no excitement, no eagerness. Hmmmmm…something must be wrong. But I haven’t been able to figure out what it was yet.
“Are you happy?”
“What makes you happy?”
“Will this matters one year from now?”
I find myself keep coming back to these questions. I am confident that I can be honest with myself, that I know the answers to them, and I am well aware of the fact that they aren’t leading me back to the core discipline of what I’ve been taught at school. But it doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t. What matters is how I can make the best out of it.
With an entangled curiosity, here I am, walking into the woods.